If I were still a drinker, my head would be in the toilet for most of the day today. As it is, I put my clothes on and went to give my morning class a test, with only my heart and soul in the toilet. I couldn't teach, every time I opened my mouth I burst into tears - so it's a good thing I had planned a test.
There's nothing left to do but grieve and retrench. I have never felt less like an American, never felt more ashamed of this country, never felt so bereft by anything political. How I feel is exactly the way I feel when someone I love dies. Grieving and retrenching may take some time. I don't know what I'll do about journaling for a while. Not much, I suspect. I will read, walk in the falling leaves (a lot), visit the children in the families, do my best at both my jobs.
For someone who expresses our feelings particularly well, go read Mark Morford's column today.
12 comments:
I feel just the same, and although I AM a drinker, I can't drink on a sick stomach. I don't remember the last time I was so sad. I'm taking the day off (maybe the rest of the week).
I'm with both of you 100%. I came in very late to work today...could barely muster the energy to put clothes on and mosey.
=(
I, too, am very ashamed to live in this country. Today is indeed a very demoralizing day....
because he couldn't post it here from work, i'm putting in the comment neil sent via email - i need to keep these comments close to my heart. we do need to remember there are millions more who feel the same way.
"Read your last post, but can't comment from my office.
You're not alone -- must be 53 million of us sharing the pain. I share your sense of alienation too -- then I remember there are folks out there just like me who are sick over this election.
Hang in there. America needs us all.
Neil " Purcell Neil
This is a very sad day...and it's going to take some time for us to come to grips with the reality that we're stuck with. Just know Mary Ellen...that YOU did so much for the cause. Please be proud of that. We're just going to have to come back harder and stronger the next time. The choice of the country is an embarrassment. We just can't give up.
I'll give everyone three days to grieve. Then we think real, real hard about our next steps and get on with them. This may be our Valley Forge, but this fight ain't over yet. The election was close -- real close. The cockstrutting by the Right over their so-called victory is just that -- puffed up feathers. The Right didn't win a landslide. Didn't win a super majority in either house of Congress. They may act like they own the country, but our job is to remind them -- with all the efficiency, tenacity and meanness we can muster -- that we're part of this great country too and they better be damned cautious about treading on our rights and anyone else's too. So let's blather and groan and cry for a few days. We need time to heal. Then we roll up our sleeves and jump back in. F--- 'em!
My name is Jeanne and I am a friend of Tim's in Kansas City...we had a lo-o-o-o-ong talk today...elections are so depressing...I am reminded of a line from Mary Oliver's poem "Wild Geese" -- "Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine." I was reminded of this poem when I read your lovely poem a couple of days ago. After I read your entry today, I decided to sign on and send you the following, which came across my email this morning and brings me some comfort.
It is a quote from Arundhati Roy. "Another world is not only possible, she's on her way. Maybe many of us won't be here to greet her, but on a quiet day, if I listen very carefully, I can hear her breathing."
I cannot control my wailing.
I know exactly how you feel. I've never felt so disconnected from my country and its ideology in all my life. I feel like I am grieving the final remnants of any hope and innocences I had within me. Thank goodness that it's only four years. I can survive anything for four years. :-( ---Robbie
Keep your head up! As Howard Zinn has said many times, the person currently occupying the White House is much less important than the people who are occupying our streets. Real social change has never came from the White House. Think about abolition, women's sufferage, the labor movement, and the civil rights movement: all grass roots movements that changed this country from outside the ballot box. Don't give up. Stand strong. And let's do some real soul searching. We can do this!
Best wishes,
dave
We all just have to keep on keepin' on. Our job is to remind the junta and those who follow them mindlessly that (1) the rest of us are Americans, too; (2) the rest of us will not slink away but will keep on confronting them and force them to deal with the issues that are important to ALL of us. We're going to have to be as tenacious as we are passionate. I hate to say it, but WE'RE the grown-ups now.
P.S. Arundati Roy's words are like aloe for the wounded, stinging heart.
It was a devastating loss my friend, but we'll pick up the pieces. We can't give up, the stakes are too high.
Did you hear about bev harris and blackboxvoting.org? Seems there are many voting irregularities in Ohio and Florida regarding the electronic voting machines. Even Keith Olbermann of MSNBC has picked up the story. There might be something to this.
That's it. "How I feel is exactly the way I feel when someone I love dies." It's now December 3. A month ago today I curled up in my bed and sobbed. I'm different. Depressed. Angry and spouting. I lived for the end of those four years.
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