Nope, didn't get back to write here during the weekend. And only have some spare moments now because I felt so crappy this afternoon that I begged out of my afterschool work with the crew of kids. I'm not sure what's going on, it feels most unpleasantly like the onset of the flu: achy all over, exhausted, somewhat distanced from myself. After a brisk walk through the 'hood with the dog, looking at holiday lights, smelling the wonderful air (clouds full of rain, cold, the sea), I feel actually somewhat improved. I'm off to bed soon anyway - this is the last week of the semester and I absolutely can't afford to be so sick I can't make it in to school in the morning.
On Saturday I mentioned Jon Soto and said I'd say more. So, more: he's a ten year old whose family is Guatemalan, though he was born here and so is a citizen. He's smart as a snake, in love with U.S. history, can rattle off dates and facts, knows everything about every president, but is getting failing grades in everything BUT social studies. I'm trying to get him to work on reading, looking for books that will interest him because they are about history, getting him to do more writing. Math is another story, I can't figure out how to tie it in to history - although I'm sure there's ways. His social studies teacher had picked him to be one of six elementary students to lead the Pledge of Allegiance at a Governor's Awards ceremony in Dover. I only found this out by sheer accident, and then found out he wasn't going to be able to go. His dad works on Saturday, his mom doesn't drive, and he was stoically resigned to not going. We talked to his parents and told them someone from La Casita (the name of our program) would pick him up and get him to the meeting point for the trip to Dover. I'm crazy about this kid, and want to help him in any way I can to realize his amazing potential. It's very interesting to me to be seeing this first generation of U.S. born kids from such an upclose and personal vantage. They are living in two such vastly different worlds, the one they inhabit at school and the one they inhabit at home.
Saturday I also said I needed to spout, ere I explode. But there just isn't time. There's a lot of thoughts percolatingaround in my head, almost all the time. I allude to some of this in an entry in my book journal, but it will be a while until I can put any of it into words. All I know is that I cannot live in a state of rage, despair, fury, and high blood pressure for however many years it takes to turn the direction of this country around. And I realize I may not live to see it happen. The continuation of the war in Iraq, much of which is so hidden from our view, the determination to demolish all environmental protections, make dreadful cabinet and judicial appointments - oh, on and on - all of this really could make me spontaneously combust if I let it. This does not mean I want to close my eyes to reality, ignore it, live in denial. Fury accomplishes nothing. For the moment I remain informed, I read news and commentary, I think, but I am also breathing in, breathing out. It is a period of retreat in some ways, restorative retreat, not defeated retreat. The winter break is almost here - I'll be going to Texas for a visit to my nieces, then in to D.C. for Christmas with my sister and niece, then home to read, walk, think, sleep, and finally have the time to journal. And read journals, something that I have not done for far too long.
Right now it's finals, grades, and holiday gift shopping. For the grandchildren, nieces and nephews. We don't do much between adults in the family. We shopped for games and books, both in reality and online most of Saturday and Sunday. I'm not sure which shopping genre is more irritating - reality or virtual. They both occasion teeth-grinding eventually. A large cappucino helps.
4 comments:
I know just what you mean by "rage, despair, fury" although I tend to turn those felings towards my self and feel depressed. Everything I read and hear just adds to my hopelessness, and I hate to inflict those feelings on others. Sometimes it's difficult not to, though. If I try to present an optimistic face, it just seems so forced and fake. I've been trying to keep up on my reading of journals, but I'm afraid I'm not participating much with comments, I just don't feel like I have much to add to the conversations lately.
It sounds like your plate is not only full, but overflowing with "have to's". I remember the hassle of getting finals passed out, collected, graded and then the necessary paperwork for the college done. That last paycheck for us "part-timers" was dependent on getting everything turned in!
I too feel rage, fury, despair at the recent election results. I had sincere hope that enough of the American people would recognize the deplorable job that was being done and turn the bum out. We came close!
I detest that our country is moving towards industry at any cost and tossing out the social and environmental gains which had been made from the 60's through the 80's. The way it stands now you'd best be white, educated, heterosexual and republican or your considered to be immoral. I'm proud of being a Bleeding Liberal! Paulette
Golly, I hope you're feeling much better now. I'm with you all the way on the percolating thoughts, too...and the rage! As for cappucino, IMHO, coffee is always good...!
Jon sounds so full of potential; it's heartening to hear of the concern and interest you've taken in him. Kids like him are our future and they need all the encouragement and support they need.
As for that pent up rage, writing about it helped me a lot. I see it as a purging and a road to doing something more constructive. They haven't won, my friend. There maybe more of "them" than "us" right now, but their hold is tenuous. War presidents usually win with big margins and Bush barely won. And with how they are pushing the limits now, it can only backfire when saner heads finally intervene, i.e. US.
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