Later, the same life

First of all I want to thank the friends who left comments on my last post;  It is so heartening to hear from you, to know you are still there, and to feel your sympathy and caring so strongly.  I am home now fromMy second stay in Rhode Island, which, though well-intentioned,  was a complete disaster, and ended up being much shorter than I had intended.  My mental health is fragile at the best of times, and two days of going through my sister's house with my niece was all it took for my sanity to unhook and sail away like an icefloe.If my darling sister Katy from Dallas hadn't come up and worked with us for the rest of that week and then practically carried me onto a plane, Lord knows what might have happened.   .  The grief, anguish, and guilt we all feel is so  magnified by our realization of the circumstances of Peggy's last years, the fact that she was living in such squalor and wretchedness without ever reaching out to us, even repudiating any of our efforts to reach in to her with love and aid is so unfathomable in every way.  My inability to stay on for the rest of the month and continue to help her kidswith the settling of things only adds to my guilt and disgust with myself.   Katy and I also both became physically very ill while we were there, in all probability from over a week spent in that mold-filled colddamp dreadful house, and it's going to take a good while to recover from the whole thing as best we can.   We actually managed to accomplish quite a lot in the short time we were there, and hopefully the kids will be able to carry on with only our long-distance help.  I hope it will be possible to get my niece and nephews out to either Texas or New Mexico to visit their aunts at some point during the winter holidays.  These are going to be very difficult months for all of us, and for me it is only being with my sisters and their kids, and our boys and their kids, that gives me any solace and comfort or peace.